Life, The Universe and Everything

Okay I admit it! my life is a soap. I'm positively absolutely convinced someone is looking at me through the lens like some Truman show shit. Every time things seem to settle down a bit the rollercoaster ride starts again. It's like I hold the master key to the amusement park of my own life. Sounds fun if I say it out loud, and it probably looks exciting and fun while watching from a far, but in this moments, the all decisive moment; the moment when shit actually goes down it does not feel like fun. A bit exciting..mheeh perhaps a little bit. I can't say my life is boring. I wouldn't want it to be ''normal''. I always imagined having the ''perfect'' life would suck. A lot. There's nothing new to read, well besides the morning paper that would always be right on time and would only contain happy and perfect news. And nothing would ever change. Because who would not want to live a perfect life? Call me crazy but I would need a bit more than that. I need change! I sometimes go a little overboard with that, like the time I painted my hair the brightest shade of pink when I saw some gypsy hair dye sold at a fantasy fair with my best friend at the time and we were like what the hell why not! In my defence the colour was supposed to be red but..yeah..it kinda wasn't. It did look good on me though! I nailed the pink colour. Back when I was still friends with my then best friend I was, correction, we were some nasty bitches. Fuck the authorities was pretty much our life mantra. We weren't robbing a bank or anything. Or people, never people. I always thought it to be sad to rob people, like stealing someone's purse or pickpocket some random guy for the ten euros in his' or her' wallet. My friend and I were both poor as shit so we knew what it felt like to have nothing. On the other hand we didn't know what it felt like to have it taken away from you by two fuck face teenagers. I still don’t know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. Doesn't matter really. Four years since that time and I am still broke. It's nearly Christmas but can’t afford a single present under the tree. It almost felt like my mother was making a donation to me by buying dog food for Sasha even though I told her I can't give her anything this year. I do think it's really nice she is willing to give me something anyways.

Another thing. When I talk to people, like those really deep conversations you share while you are wasted to the bone and are currently lying against your best friend who you also accidently fell asleep on you notice the next day and you start talking about life and what not. When the inner parts of your soul is lain bare. Mostly because you are too drunk to care who listens in to your heart thoughts and you basically just start to speak instead of think. Your mind literally gets a mind of its own. I think it's a great bonding activity. You get to know each other a lot better in a state of pure drunkenness'. You know the saying. Only three kind of people tell the truth. Children, angry beyond reason people and drunks. I'm pretty sure I have been all three of those people at some point. Pretty much all of us perhaps. We have all been children, I don’t know about you but I can control my outburst pretty well...ahem..okay I get pissed easily. But only by certain people. Sounds weird perhaps but my family and most trusted friends get the full assault mostly. Maybe because they are the only ones worthy of my burning anger. But I digress... The point is that almost everyone loses it sometimes and screams whatever they really wanted to say. Is that where the expression ''The truth hurts'' comes from? As in ''the truth hurts, my ears''. And the third, simple. A lot of people get hammered. At least once in their lives people will chuck down that entire liter bottle of vodka and yell out ''Hold my beer!''. Then after their what they though was a marvellous performance they will sit down because of the slow building dull ache they feel somewhere in their body what could quiet possibly be a broken bone because riding a bike backwards into a ditch while singing the national anthem seemed such a good idea and just have a deep talk about life, the universe and everything. And while I believed for a long time that the answer to that question was simply 42 it turned out to be a whole lot more complicated than that...

Yours faithfully,

Claire Quiem